If anyone wonders why I should not drink coffee in the mornings I present to you, "Tuesday Morning Observations". It is just a sampling of what the, who the, how the - that goes on in my head when given a friendly boost from Mr. Caffeine:
- The classic scene of a fire crew rescuing a stupid cat out of a tree - I have never witnessed such a scene. Figured with as much as I have seen it in cartoons and tv shows I would have observed it happening at least once by now. This either means, A: Cats aren't really that stupid. Or B: People in real life don't really care enough about cats to see them get unstuck from a tree.
Sidenote - why can't the cat just climb down? Or can they, but people are far too impatient and feel like it is an emergency situation. "I was heading to work, but that cat stuck in that tree over there is some pretty serious business. Quick! What's the number for 911?! Don't worry strange kitty, I will wait until you are safely rescued before I go back to my regularly scheduled programming."
- I over think a lot of things. See bullet #1.
- Time couldn't possibly be any slower than when you are attempting to win an eBay auction. That last 60 seconds is ridiculously sloooooooow. On a very related note: I now have a sweet vintage Tom Thumb toy cash register heading my way from Indiana. I fully intend to push the buttons, and whilst it makes the cha-ching noise say "I'm rich bitch!".
- I have traveler's insurance for an upcoming vacation. Apparently losing one eye on your trip only allots you 50% coverage. I can see how losing an eye on vacation would be a little more than 50% bothersome.
- I think Easter has ruined my like for a boiled egg. I recall maybe enjoying them at some point in my childhood. I want to say it was the realization that during an Easter egg hunt the following occurs: Boiled eggs get left out in warm weather, and lying on the ground, for much too long. This, coupled with the fact that they can make an entire house smell like a wet fart, make me have a hatred for them.
"That smells disgusting! Here, let me have a few. OMNOMNOM". Excuse me while I throw up in my mouth a little.
- Now I am thinking of what I would hate more: 1- having to eat a boiled egg. OR 2- finding a spider crawling on me. These things will haunt my dreams tonight.
1) only one eye is only 50% of your vision, perhaps that is where the math comes from (evil math)
ReplyDelete2) we never hunted the dyed ones...for the fear of them getting lost/unfound...eggs that are hard-boiled properly don't smell THAT bad, no where near as terrible as our porter who uses FAR too much cologne - you really have no idea...
3) you are incredibly hilarious and I wish I were this witty