Retro Gaming Celebration

At this juncture, if you have read any of my previous party related blog posts you have gathered a few things: I suck at directions, I procrastinate, and most importantly - I make creative shortcuts and "bandaids" to save my ass. I started planning a summer party that sort of celebrated my birthday, my man's birthday, and just a gathering in general. I always have to have a theme because that is just how I operate. We chose a retro gaming theme.

Decorations were a breeze thanks to digital downloads on etsy. I got a pacman set of printables, and a mario set of printables. Cut the items out and pasted them to an existing party banner we had.

I used electrical tape and star balloons from the dollar store to make these guys:

Made a pirhana plant:

I saw this on the internet at some point in my journey to create the perfect party. But the day of when I went to find the directions for this I couldn't find it anywhere, seriously anywhere. So I went from memory on this.

I didn't want to bake an official birthday cake since it wasn't an official birthday party. I had decided that my clear and only alternative was making 143 cupcakes and building Mario with them...

 Not bad right?This was the finished product.

I found this ditty on Pinterest and followed the blog links to secure the knowledge I needed to convince myself that A-this was going to be super easy,  B- It was going to take no time at all , AND C- I was going to succeed with flying colors/minimal stress. Go ahead and laugh for me now. The internet is deceiving, and it gets the best of us.
The Daily Dawdle demonstrates this phenomena: http://www.dailydawdle.com/2012/11/16-hilarious-pinterest-fails-nailed-it.html.
I actually documented several of my steps just so I could finish up with a NAILED IT meme of my own, because I realized at the grocery store that this was going to be a much more serious undertaking. But I had already committed and there was no going back and going to the bakery and buying a cake like a normal human being was simply out of the question.

Here is the blog that I used as my guideline to create this nearly impossible treat: http://www.cuteasafox.com/2010/09/mario-party-credits.html?m=1
I applaud her for giving a very detailed diagram to follow as well as a few pointers involving frosting color combos, and the foam board trick as a platter. I too, procured a foam board that I quickly filled up WITH MARIO'S HEAD. Then freaked out because, where the shit is this huge Mario going to reside until the guests show up? Luckily I had a HUGE black table cloth and a HUGE dining room table that did the trick. If you don't own an excessively large table to fit this on. Run, turn back and run. Go to the bakery and buy a cake like a normal human being.

My half ass ingredient and directions list:

INGREDIENTS:

1) 3 boxes of cake mix - the back of the box will tell you that one box makes 24 mini muffins. THIS IS A DIRTY STINKIN LIE. One box produced enough mix for 48 mini muffins for me. Maybe I am magical and like Jesus I too can feed a multitude with just a few things. Doubtful. Just buy 3 boxes of mix (maybe an extra in case you jack something up along the line). I have several leftover boxes of cake mix thanks to Duncan Hines' misguidance. Maybe the person who made that up is eating half of the batter before it hits the muffin pan? That is 50% off, that is a big deal Mr. Duncan Hines. I should write them and ask for a refund for all these cake batter boxes I now have to store and not eat. My apologies for getting severely sidetracked. 
2) The stuff the cake mix requires. Eggs, oil, milk, whatever. 
3) Cupcake papers and an ungodly amount of mini muffin pans. Go ahead and ask everyone you know if you can borrow their mini muffin pans because there is no way in hell you own enough to get the job done.
4) Time. From start to finish this project took 2 days. Two. Days. Don't have two days to waste? Go to the bakery and buy a cake like a normal human being.
5) Large ziplock bags (if you do what I did and bake the night prior).
6) Frosting. This is up for debate, but I used 4 containers total, and wound up with a ridiculous amount leftover. Oops. And for the brown frosting? JUST BUY CHOCOLATE. Don't try to mix up brown. Just don't. I did, so just trust me and buy chocolate frosting.
7) Food coloring. I got a box of the contemporary colors.
8) Dark chocolate shavings. Unless you have a better idea for making black icing. For the black cupcakes I used brown frosting topped with dark chocolate shavings.
9) Printed copy of the diagram so you can build this monster with ease. I hit a snag here and will get to that snafu later in the Directions.

DIRECTIONS (I started this endeavor around 9:00ish pm):
1) Print copy of the diagram.
I thought it would be nice to include my husband and have him do this step for me since our printer at home is on the fritz. He even went so far as to texting me a pic of the diagram in his hand so I knew it had been done. All a farce. He came home without it. His one job was to deliver the one sheet of paper. My advice? Go ahead and let go of any hopes that you will have help with this endeavor and resolve that you will be a lone wolf in a baking hell. You may be able to trick someone by telling them it is a simple craft project you need assistance with. You will be on the fast track to doing this 100% solo if you say anything along the lines of "I am baking and decorating 143 cupcakes and then I am intricately organizing them according to a diagram".
2) Bake the mini cupcakes according to the package directions - don't forget you will get much more from each box. Dirty liars.
3) Let them cool.

Once you get to this point you may actually start crying because in the grand scheme of things you really, aren't even halfway done.

4) That last step wrapped up at 1:00 am for me, so I counted out and bagged them according to what colors they would be frosted with. Thought this would save time the next day.

 If you don't have a psychological issue with organizing the shit out of everything you can just go to bed without doing the bagging by number and color ordeal. Yea, do that instead.
5) Get some sleep.
6) Few hours until party time: Start mixing frosting colors. I wish I had photographed how we mixed our colors. My husband jammed the mixer blade into his drill and mixed them for me. I think I was too busy saying, "OHMYGOD what are you doing to the frosting" to actually take a picture. His methods worked well, he earned forgiveness for forgetting the diagram.
7) Frost all of the cupcakes according to the diagram that you may have to be following via your smartphone. Or your printed diagram if you are so lucky.
8) Find the biggest surface in the history of ever, and start building your Mario. This was actually the most fun part for me.
9) Walk out of the room. Pour yourself a drink, chug. Walk back into room take a glance at your amazing work of art and start singing WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS MY FRIENDS. Replace I with We if you feel so inclined.

 I seriously felt like I won the lottery when I realized that I actually made it look like Mario.

10) Take lots of pictures. There must be photographic evidence, because if someone touches that shit before you document it you have every right to kill them. Slowly and painfully.
11) Psychologically prepare yourself for party guests devouring the whole operation.
12) Eat and enjoy.
13) Drink 3 pitchers of sangria with your friends and play retro video games, then go back and eat more cupcakes. Rinse. Repeat.

Pretty as a Princess - Dress Up Wardrobe

My kid just celebrated her 2nd birthday, I know, I don't want to talk about it.

I told a friend just this week: "I have to be sure that Adeline has a hell of a good time as a child because the rest of the journey is responsibilities and crap, lots and lots of crap."

I wanted to do something special for the big 2, and my little princess is rather fond of dressing up like a princess. I thought, what a better way to celebrate than to construct a wardrobe to hold everything whimsical and fun for her.

Here is the final product for those who just want to see it and move on:

Pretty cute huh? She was stoked about the whole ordeal. 

For those who want to know how I aimlessly roamed my way through this project, proceed. 

As per usual, I had no plan. I knew what I had in my mind, and just hoped to hell that it wound up being usable by the end of the project. I did get some help this time, from both of my parents. Who probably had a really hard time figuring out my make believe blueprints. 

So here is my fly by the seat of my pants tutorial for anyone interested in making one of these bad boys.

Materials:

- Tools: paintbrushes, hammer, flathead screwdriver, staple gun, drill, uh uh uh that might be it. I think that was all we needed. If you are afraid of power tools then you will need your dad, and if you need creative inspiration and help you will need your mom. Unless your mom isn't crazy crafty like mine, then you need to find my mom. 

- An old entertainment center, we found this one at Goodwill for $30. And? It was made in America, which means it weighs a million pounds because it isn't the cheapo stuff. Aside from the fact that it was in a thrift store, that was the cheapo part. 

Here it was before any work started:

- Paint - I went with Valspar primer and paint in one. Color? ROYAL PURPLE. This paint is amazing, and it only required one solid coat. 

- Dainty hardware, we found ours for $2 per knob at Michael's craft store. Win. 

- 1 to 2 yards of fabric to cover the back of the cabinet. I found ours in the bargain bin at a local fabric warehouse, $2.50 per yard. This could also be painted, but I wanted to add a coordinating print. Inevitably it will get covered by clothing, but some will show at the bottom. 

- Tension rod for hanging clothes. 

* Directions 

Which as we all know, are the most hated part of these sorts of posts for me. But here it goes!

Here is an illustration of some of the things that got done first and foremost:

1) Prep the furniture for painting, depending on the finish it may need some good sanding. Take off any backing or boards that you may be covering with fabric. Or add any boards or backing that will also be needing to be painted. I removed all drawers and slide out thingies and painted them first/separately. 

2) Paint away! If using the paint I used just take it easy and do a really thorough first coat, because this stuff is so great I only needed the one coat. 

3) Watch your paint dry... or, rock out to some music. Even better - start working on another part! 

We took the large back panel and covered it with our fabric. The staple gun is your friend for this part. 

4) Once painting is complete and dried, you can re-attach any fabric covered boards. Hello again staple gun (or small nail tacks).

5) Carefully add hardware or whatever knobs you chose with a drill. Or pretend for about 5 seconds that you are going to do this part until your dad does it for you. 

6) We moved it in to it's spot in our little Diva's bedroom before the finishing touches were done. At that point we added a tension rod for hanging her dresses, and the baskets for the accessories. 

7) Load that sucker down with every frilly, dainty, lovely thing you can find. Every person who requested gift ideas for the little dear was told to go with anything dress up. She could easily supply every drag club in Key West with her current stash of frills. 

and 

Ta da! 

The wardrobe was a huge hit, we can't keep her out of it (literally, she keeps crawling inside of it and camping out). 

Up Up and Away! Hot Air Balloons

There are many times that I scoff at stay at home moms and bored housewives, and crack jokes thinking that I am gleefully not either of those things.

And then I realize that I just spent 3 hours constructing miniature hot air balloons out of old light bulbs and it hits me that I may be somewhat of a nutjob. With half mod podged fingers and tiny paper scraps surrounding me I pack my humility up and quit scoffing, because I am one odd project away from Craftaholics Anonymous. "Hi, my name is Stefanie, and I can't quit gluing and glittering shit together."

This miniature hot air balloon project intertwined a few of my favorite things, it was the perfect "upcycled" project. I got the idea from Danny Seo's book, Upcycling Celebrations. 

I really liked the old tree limb that I had prepared for the Advent Calendar this year. So when Christmas passed us by I left the limb up in the hallway, and used it to hang my new doodads from. I rather like it!

To get the full scoop on what to do, buy Danny's book. This project requires 5 materials, and is super easy to do, the only hassle is drying time on the mod podge. The cost? well, if you are a whacko and have everything on hand in your craft room like I did, then free. Otherwise it is still very minimal.

A Very Jonesy Christmas

I have had a few requests for decor photos, so that people can see what was making me so damn batty the last few weeks. Er, I mean so that they could see my decorations and be magically inspired to follow my lead.

Our theme this year kinda mixed traditional, rustic, and vintage kitsch. I was rather inspired by Martha Stewart's Winterberry line sold at Home Depot. But? I didn't feel like spending my mortgage payment on her brand so I did my own spin off, it's called "Dingleberry" sold, nowhere. Totally kidding, our decorations rock this year. Here is a peek at our Very Jonesy Christmas:

 Let's start with the tree (after Christmas clearance allowed us to score a 9ft tree for $40...omg right?!). I find it equally important to note that Brett strung all of the lights without so much as a step stool. Hello Sasquatch. 

As per my previous blog posts I kinda have a weird obsession with owls so naturally one is roosting as tree topper this year:

And as we pan around here are some other compilations in the very Jonesy Christmas:

Penguins made it into the mix this year as well:

I was simply elated to just mix in our existing decor:

I really don't see what the problem would be in mixing non -traditional items, like this old globe, a shiny apple, and a random teapot for good measure:

Dining room spread, some of the complimenting characters? A set of vintage penguin nesting dolls, brass butterflies, and a horse head. Every centerpiece needs a horse head. Duh:

Adeline even got into the spirit and made a pinecone ornament, which is chilling next to the cutest red bird ever. He has a winter cap on... Dawwwwwww:

These are my last minute/yet super meaningful decorations I threw together. These picks sticking out of the hurricane vases? They are old Guinness beer coasters straight from Kenmare, Ireland. They are from the first stop we made while on the island, and in Killarney park. I had to pee like no other, so the kind folks at a gift shop (that wasn't even open) let me in to use the facilities. Brett and I didn't want to be "those people" who pee and run so we bought a set of like 50 coasters (whoa right?). Anywho, it had 3 Christmas coasters in the set so I made them a part of our decor. Ah memories: 

Apparently drinking Guinness will make you strong enough to lift a large tree, just like Santa. That's odd, it just makes me dance like an idiot and tell really dumb stories. My Goodness My Guinness indeed!

I also made a ton, like I was unstoppable (until I ran out of supplies) water less snow globes. Saw them in the Martha Stewart holiday mag...damn you Martha Stewart. But after a little online research learned several people have made these, so I stole ideas from them all and created our own:

Hindsight - don't shake just before taking a picture.

And yes, that is Priscilla the piggy bank. She recently made her debut on this blog. Remember?

So, there you have it - A VERY JONESY CHRISTMAS. Want to duplicate? Well, good luck. I just spent the last 3 weeks randomly pulling these ideas from... my CHRISTMAS THINKING CAP. What, did you think I was going to say my ass? 

Happy Holidays Yall. (Y'all?Ya'll?). Ugh, whatever. 

Craft Crazy Christmas 2012- 1 of Whatever

Just like any other normal person I have been dealing with the hustle, bustle, and stress of the Christmas season. But, at least my days of getting my ass kicked over Santa are over(click to read that story). So there is that.

I will sprinkle in a few posts this holiday season about the festive things that I have made that I just can't bear to skip not showing off. You are welcome. As per usual, I will do my best at forming directions (that I never follow) in case any of you would like to be as crazy as I am. Today I will share how I spent way too much time creating an advent calendar for Adeline that she will have forever and ever. And ever.

This isn't like those lazy recipes you find that tell you exactly how much time each step takes. I will say I tackled this in stages, and pulled it out of my you know what, so I hate to admit but this project took hours and hours. You may even cry at some point, it is hard to say. Depends on your level of crafty-ness and patience.

Supplies you will need:

1) a tree branch - I found mine, wait for it, IN THE WOODS OFF OF A TREE. I went into the woods behind my office. I told our secretary to hold my calls and then ventured off, which is a little ironic considering our secretary is my aunt, and the only person who has called for me on the office line in at least 6 months has been my mom. But I did it for dramatic effect. I digress, go into the woods and find a tree branch, mmmkay?

2) Elmer's glue, mixed with glitter and a smidge of white acrylic paint- Don't measure things, that's so, un creative.

3) Roll of twine or hemp for hanging each day's gift- I used hemp, and once again, I didn't measure so feel free to wing that too. I snipped 25 pieces for hanging each day (and tiny pieces to help me wrap the presents), as well as 2 longer pieces for hanging the actual branch.

4) 25 days worth of treats or prizes- I used candies, as well as small toys, sticker sheets, etc...

5) Red tissue paper for wrapping each day's gift- Obviously you are allowed to pick whatever color of paper you want, but I went with red.

6) Numbers for each day's present - I printed mine off of my computer but you can hand write them if you don't feel like cutting out 25 little circles like I did.



Directions...sigh:

1) Cover tree branch with the glue/glitter/paint mixture. I painted it on with a small paint brush, be wary of glue droplets, they are sneaky little bastards. This coating will help seal the branch and keep any bark pieces from flaking off. Gives it a nice snowy look:

2) While the branch is drying gather the 25 day's worth of prizes and treats, if you have a plan for what you want your little dear to open when go ahead and coordinate that, otherwise- get to wrapping! 

3) Take numbers and tape them to each day's presents:

3) Hang presents on branch. To save myself and Adeline a little trouble I hung all of the twine pieces on the branch first, and tied a tiny loop at the bottom of each strand so it looks like: ---------o  

 I attached each present to the coordinating twine with ornament wire hooks. Otherwise you will have to untie each and every day. Too much trouble! This method helps you to reuse it year after year. 

4) Very carefully hang branch on wall or wherever you choose. Adeline's was rather heavy after all the gifts were attached. And then? Enjoy:

So far Adeline has really like plucking her gifts off each morning and playing with her new treasures. I guess it was worth the woodland adventure, gluing, wrapping, cussing, and mental breakdown I may or may not have had while pulling this project off. One of my friend's told me I should sell these, so far the only rate I can think of would be in way of gift certificates to see a mental health professional of my choice. This thing was a bitch to make. 

Upcycled Work - Postcard Art Edition

I wanted to post about one of my favorite upcycled projects. I am in love with my post card art, and I use all recycled/second hand materials to make them. I have made a few over the years and here is how you can to:

Supplies:
Business reply mailer/postcard
electrical tape
acrylic paint
Embossing ink
Stamp of your choice
Embossing powder
Embossing gun
Printed card stock for a matting background
Frame for finished product
Here is a pic of my material spread before I got started and made a mess of it all:

Directions:
1) Take postcard and tape of outer edges (I went about an 1'' all the way around the card).

2) Paint a thin layer of acrylic paint inside taped edges.
3) Allow to dry, and very carefully remove tape.
4) Stamp over acrylic paint with embossing ink.   --- I didn't take any pictures of the embossing process because it is messy, and I was too busy melting my fingers off to operate the camera! 
5) Sprinkle embossing powder/ remove excess powder.
6) Heat with an embossing tool gun. Please don't try to use a hairdryer, you will not get the same effect.
7) Mount card to card stock matting.
8) and frame!
9) ta da!

If you are like a few of my friends and you wish to skip through to step 9 and have one delivered to your doorstep just go to my etsy shop http://www.etsy.com/shop/JunkDrunkJones and buy one! They would make an excellent gift. I use all recycled and donated materials for every item I make.

An Intro to Junk Drunk Jones

I feel like I have neglected the blog a little lately.
I blame my new etsy shop...www.etsy.com/shop/JunkDrunkJones

I sell upcycled items and vintage treasures. A few people have asked where I get my inventory. Which I assume they mean the vintage goods because the other stuff comes from my super awesome craft room:

But yes, the vintage goods come from somewhere. I have always loved a good thrift store, but I have a new found obsession (or rather a love/hate relationship) with estate sales. Those bad boys can be hard to find sometimes, at least for exactly what I need.
I search Craigslist for upcoming estate sales but I feel that sites should make a search option for locating estate sales for people who aren't ballers. I know estate sale companies try to add "fluff" to their postings so that it appears they are selling some super high quality shit, but let's get real here - you are just unloading some dead woman's belongings. At any rate, some of the descriptions make me afraid to visit because I don't have a sugar daddy in tow. A bit swanky for Junk Drunk Jones.

And a note to people advertising your "own" estate sale... Don't have a yard sale and pretend that it is an estate sale. If you aren't dead, or your not moving, guess what? IT ISN'T AN ESTATE SALE. I want to see that you are selling everything but the awkwardly large collection of cats that you have accumulated.

And shoppers? Calm down. I understand we are all very excited to rummage through someone's life and snag our treasures before the next person spots them, but you guys need to cool it down a notch. If your fat ass is too lazy to drag around the box of stuff you have already "scored" don't be surprised if someone else tries to peek into it. No need to yell. In case you haven't noticed there's a lot of shit piled into boxes, assuming everyone knows that one box in particular belongs to you is asinine. Now, if someone picks up your child or that stupid dog you have shoved into your handbag like an accessory, that is another thing.

I feel like I am rambling. In a nutshell - I am working diligently to craft upcycled items for people to enjoy, and scouring thrift stores and bare knuckling my way through estate sales for some vintage treasures you all just can't live without. Stay tuned! It is going to be a fun, yet bumpy ride!

Collection Smash Up - Fashion Edition

Yesterday I tweeted:

Stefanie Jones ‏@StefanieMcJones

I just spent 3 hours glueing one of my collections to another collection. Figure that one out! Or wait til it hits my blog this week.

Soooooo,

Here are some of the things I tend to collect:

1) Vintage Owls

2) Teapots

3) Buttons

4) Rescued dogs

5) Expired coupons

6) Shoes 

7) Tiny magazine clippings. Remember this post?

Glancing at this list makes me feel like maybe I need less weird collections. But it could be worse right? I mean, I could be like Barry on Dinner for Schmucks and make art work out of dead mice... 

Yea, I feel better now.

Anyways, I decided to combine a small (really small) portion of the buttons collection, and the shoe collection.

I started with a pair of heels that I rarely wore because of the print:

Directions? Ok:

Gather: buttons of all shapes and sizes, rhinestones, embellishment pearls (found in scrapbook aisle), and some fabric glue.

       I took a lot of time organizing which button should go where so that I could fill the most space as possible without going outside the outline of the shoe's fabric. I glued all buttons first, and then I took the small rhinestones and pearls to fill in the spaces that the buttons wouldn't fit. 

The end results:

And on the feets:

Somewhere in my mass button collection (seriously, after these shoes were completed you couldn't even tell I had been into the collection at all) I found a Christian Dior button. I am pretty sure it would have been more valuable not covered in craft glue, but that took my shoes to the next level. I also found a button that says Hazard on it, so that helped too. I'm sure.