An Audition for Shenanigans.

Adeline recently had her first commercial audition. Now, I haven't talked on here at all about her new "career" in modeling. I guess I will some time or another. I don't want to be one of those weirdo pageant like moms who forces my kid into weird stuff. But? so far all Adeline has done is get paid to play with toys, not a moment of fussiness, not a moment of being uncomfortable or irritable so for that I can say we are still in the clear of crazy mom status.

Back to the story. Adeline gets an audition for a hospital commercial. It was to be in Atlanta, off Piedmont Road. I decided it would be best to take my sister along for navigational help and moral support. So we loaded up and hit the road. We made it to Piedmont road. And that is when the fun began. For the next half hour we danced around within a .5th of a mile from the studio we were supposed to be finding. So close, yet soooo far away.

The first time I had to turn around I went down a residential street, so I got us tangled and untangled and back onto the main road. The next turn I made was into a car wash establishment, where I very quickly almost got hit by a freshly cleaned Range Rover - I pulled forward to escape hitting or being hit by a car that cost more than my house and soon realized there is absolutely NO turn around whatsoever.

So there we are, headed for a good scrubbing and no where to run. And? we are already almost late for the audition. We decide to play dumb, and we just ask the nice car cleaning man for directions and how to find a way to get the hell out of there without buying a $50 car wash (which I probably needed but we are on a strict time schedule here people!). The man tries not to snicker and shows us the exit way that prevents us from running through the car wash building, but it does take us to the booths where the nice guys dry your clean car. They of course flag us into the next available booth for a good drying and much to their surprise they watch us speed through and make a bolt for the main road. My sister is of course trying to tell me through her laughter that someone has taped all of my windshield wipers down somewhere in this shuffle. And then the manager stops us just before we pull out to ask us if we are satisfied with our car wash. Um yes sir, we have enjoyed this. Did you not notice the 6 weeks worth of dust and dirt on this ol nissan, as well as the custom wiper tape job? I guess he didn't. I am surprised I even found the studio for the audition through my tears of laughter.

Needless to say, we made it to the audition just in time, and she did great. Duh, she got to sit there and play with people in front of a camera for like 60 seconds, and then we mosied on home. Taped wipers and all.

I think if that whole afternoon had been an audition for a reality tv show, we would have gotten the part. Hands down.

A hunting we will go.

So about a year ago we went from a one doggy household to 3 doggy household. We got a brother/sister pair of pups from my buddy Jordan. We named them Bacon and Banana because we are awesome like that. They appeared to be tiny shih tzu pups. Which is workable in our house because I am allergic to most critters that shed.

Long story short, they grew, rather large for "shih tzu" dogs. And they do weird shit (like try to eat scissors, and poop in the bath tub...you know, the usual...)

And then? They decided to show what they were really made of - hunting dogs! I am going to guess some sort of hunting terrier. Like I described somewhere in this post. They like to kill rabbits these days.

This past Friday was no exception. Bacon brought in a teeny tiny (like fit in the palm of my hand) sized bunny. He just brought it in as a gift though, it was scared but not really hurt. So I get home and there is a huggies diaper box on top of my kitchen stove with an assortment of pots and pans sitting on top of it. I ask Brett what the heck sort of set up has he prepared. And then I get to see the little bunny chilling inside of the box on an old t shirt. He looked scared, but glad to be out of Bacon's mouth. I made a joke to Brett about all of the clutter on top of the box, as if a tiny animal could move all of that to escape. We decide that once it is daylight we will release him.

We go to bed. Around 3 am I wake up to hearing all sorts of noises. Apparently "little rabbit" jimmied his way out of the tiny crack of a handle at the top of the huggies box! Jumped from the top of the kitchen counter to the floor, and then through the tiny crack of a door into our bedroom. It was there that his tiny little self awoke the dogs, and they decided to actually chase him down and kill him. I was so sad. My dogs are monsters. I know I know, it is "their nature" to do this sort of stuff. Instinctual right? So is it these natural instincts that make Bacon want to lick the walls like the windows on a short bus? Is it these natural instincts that make Banana want to jump into a bath tub to leave a present? I'm no dog psychologist, but it appears that these two are as dumb as rocks. But I love them anyways.

Business Casual

I think I will let an illustration speak louder than words this post...

I will say this though, my dad brings "business casual" to a whole new level.

I love you dad!

sidenote: the red arrows indicate the possible reasons as to why dad can never find what he needs, thus making me print and reprint dozens of papers.

Mother dear

Well, my first mother's day was a huge success. I got to do my favorite things with my favorite people.

I guess I should start out with Mother's Day Eve... yea my fun started the night before! My dogs Bacon and Banana (what I will refer to as the "bad" dogs, because Agadore is a perfect angel) anyways, they decided to catch, and kill, a cute bunny rabbit for mommy! Unfortunately I prefer my bunnies to be alive and cute, but they got an A for effort, as well as a good yelling to, and scrub down. In 20+ years of small dog breed ownership I have never had to wash blood off of a dog. It was sad. And I am sure it was the first time they have ever had their mouths washed out with soap...little bastards. So after that episode Adeline decides to projectile vomit all over me and the bed (another first!) I mean, not to be too graphic but it made its way into her ear, the top of her head, and even into my armpit. Talent.

I got a good nights rest on the clean sheets Brett fixed up for me. Score.

Woke up and Brett took my mom, Adeline and I to breakfast for my favorite treat at Cracker Barrel. We went home, and I got to do what I do best, NAP. While Adeline and I napped Brett cleaned up around the house. Then I woke up and got to snack on my gift - an EDIBLE ARRANGEMENT, I freakin love those things. I am pretty sure that the edible arrangements company grows their fruit in crack coccaine because I am addicted.

We talked about going to the Indian festival, but decided against it for a few reasons. One? Parking is a nightmare. Two? it was creeping into the high 80's, and well I am allergic to the sun (I am pretty sure Adeline is too) I hate being out in the sun. That is a sure fire way to lose my pale glow! Three? The park that hosts the festival is more like a dustbowl vs. a park. And Four?I am fairly certain a large percentage of the vendors are in fact mexican, NOT Native American. I mean, the goods are even Mexico-esque, I have been to Mexico a few times so I would like to say that I know.

So? we drove to the Booth Western Art Museum instead. We were able to see a ton of Native American stuff (plus cowboys) in the comfort of air conditioning and no crowd whatsoever. I think there were 3 other cars in the parking lot? yea, my cup of tea. I also got to wear my cowboy boots because that's what you do when you go to the cowboys and indians museum. Duh.

And now a milestone plug: We gave Adeline her first taste of rice cereal in her bottle. Not so sure she enjoyed it, but it stayed down so that is a start. And the day after mother's day she started doing her first tummy to back roll overs. So that is pretty neat in my book!

p.s. - on the Mother front: today is my mom's birthday! she is 16, or 61, whatever. She is a smokin' red head, and that is all that matters.

new haunts

I am gonna keep this post short and sweet, what? You want a funny full length story you can enjoy your popcorn with? Maybe next time dears. (this lady got like 0 hours of sleep and awoke at 3:45am- I apologize but my brain has taken a vacation.)

I would like to state that I have 2 new addictions. One mild, and one not so mild.

The mild addiction? Cruising this website. I have lots to look forward to with Adeline! wooo.

The serious addiction? Couponing. God I am so domestic these days. I just can't stop cutting them and playing with them! ha. But seriously, I have considered things like "where can I start our stock pile?" and "we need 6 boxes of Special K this week. Right?". It is getting bad. I go to my fave coupon site so often Google chrome has saved it for me. Anyone want to start a club?er...I mean host my intervention? I guess it is a healthy-ish hobby because I save tons of money every week. I blame my friends and family for being enablers. Or whatever, it just sounded good.

the Easter Wabbit

Now that Easter is over, the good ol Facebook is cluttered with Easter pics. Egg hunts, family photo ops, and of course, pictures with the Easter Bunny. For various reasons I opted to NOT take Adeline to see the Easter Bunny. The main reason? they are creepy as hell. I mean really. Look at all the photos that may have flooded your Facebook news feed. Are those rabbits not insanely terrifying?

I am convinced that every year there is a contest within the costume making industry to see who can make the scariest Easter Bunny costume. And? They all win. Every year. Here are their criteria while creating their get ups:

-Is the rabbit going to be over 5 feet tall? Check.

-Is the rabbit going to be over 150 pounds? Check.

-Is the rabbit wearing an obnoxiously printed bowtie and vest? Check.

-Is the rabbit pants-less? Check

Call me crazy, but if I were a child and someone told me to sit on a 5+ft, 150 pound rabbit with a vest and no pants I would cry too. Poor lil guys. Yet every Spring parents pay exuberant amounts of money to do that very thing to their children. And what is the easter bunny's voice supposed to sound like anyways? A cranky, under-payed, middle aged man? I think probably no.

The best part is that after introducing the little dears to the huge pants-less killer rabbit, the little dears learn that said rabbit will be inside their home come Easter morning.

The Redneck Mafia - the preface

a simple dialogue:

Me: "Home Depot will sharpen mower blades for free I heard. Where is our mower from?"

Mr.Jones: "Your dad. Remember, last summer that guy owed your dad some money and he kept paying him in lawn mowers?"

Me: "Oh right! Cause that's not weird as hell. Fun times, I guess that's how dad rolls."

*an eloquent and well written post to follow explaining how my dad quite possibly runs a redneck mafia