Nerd Alert

Things that may indicate that I am a nerd:

• I know that dragon con is 162 days away.
• My favorite shirt in my closest isn't designer. It's batman.
• I appreciate, understand, and would actually like to Steampunk a good portion of my wardrobe.
• I actually look forward to going to the comic book store with Brett and Adeline.
• History is my friend.
• I enjoy talking to dead people ( ok that might be more creepy than nerdy).
• I revel in the fact that my friends are way smarter than I am. And I brag about their smartness.
• My glasses are a necessity, not an accessory. Damn hipsters.
• I've never seen an episode of: the bachelor, a desperate anything, one tree who gives a shit, dancing with the sellouts, etc...
• I do watch, and repeatedly watch: firefly, finding bigfoot, the walking dead, the big bang theory, and add here anything related to cryptozoology.
• I can almost understand half of the crap my husband says about dragons, and video games. It has been a steady progression, but I've come a long way.
• Mentioned it elsewhere, but I never, ever, ever, played sports in school. I did play the alto saxophone in the school band though.

Throughout high school I was more of a closet nerd, I now embrace every little bit of nerdy-ness. Because I am a firm believer that nerds make the world go round. Believe it. If you doubt it, put down your iPhone right now, or walk away from your computer screen. Don't hop in your fuel efficient car, dont update your facebook status, don't tweet, maybe snag a smart water, youre gonna need it.

PC Guru

Brought the kid to work this morning, she spent the first 5 minutes there walking around the parking lot. Toddled in and spent about 5 minutes greeting everyone. 5 minutes grabbing stuff she wasn't supposed to be messing with.

I put her in my lap, with all of the screens on my computer closed out completely so she could "type" for 5 seconds. 5 SECONDS. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5. I look up from her tiny, sticky little hands to see this:

First reaction was "holy crap kid! What did you do!" her reply was a menacing grin, followed by a little drool and sticking one offending hand in her mouth. I got the mouse and tried to navigate my way through this sideways screen. Even the mouse orientation was at an angle, I could barely figure my way around. Once I got to the screen option to restart the computer (yea, I actually thought it would come back on looking all normal). Naturally, I just watched it go through the motions of restarting, all sideways - while Adeline frolicked behind me trying to find stuff to trash before I turned around and caught her.

I finally laughed, gave up, took this picture, and called my brother in law in to fix it so I could watch Adeline terrorize the rest of the office building. I am fairly confident that she will soon be capable of taking over the world, one office pc at a time.

Prep

Maybe this post is a result of one of my new obsessions, or maybe not.

There are also some new shows I am seeing on tv like this one. Either way, it has started a few conversations with family and friends (well, that post on facebook helped too). So, it took me a second to realize I may be one of the worst preppers around.

I caught a snippet of Doomsday Preppers and thought, damn they are nuts, like the chick who was stock piling condoms which was silly because she was a freakin' mammoth, and even if there were only a few men left in the world, I don't think they would be knocking on her door.

But I digress,

Then we had something as simple as the water boil advisory last week and I was like "shit, we have no bottled water at all." So then I felt totally unprepared for anything of any caliber. I sat by my stove staring at two pots of boiling water for like 3 hours like a ding dong.

Not days after we finished drinking our weeks supply of gross boiled tap water (note to self - boil the fridge filtered water next time...idiot) we were skipping up and down the stairs trying to decide if we need to sit out the tornado watches and warnings in the basement. Not that it is hard to chill in a basement, but when you have a pissed off teething toddler that you have to wake up to drag down there and have nothing for her to comfortably sleep on you start to worry who's face she is ripping off first.

Another scenario that would definitely leave us(my family) saying, oh shit now what: gas shortage. This one my dear friends, is so possible, even if fairly temporary. In case you recall this happened a few years ago. Let's say the next one is less temporary. We are so dependent on this, and technology. Imagine even a week with no gas, no phone lines, no internet. I can picture people sitting in their houses thinking, uh what is next? Aside from a portion of the people here in the bible belt running the streets screaming Jesus is coming to get them and handing out pamphlets for the rest of us poor souls. We know what they will be doing, because I just told you.

Don't get me started on the end of the world/zombie apocalypse scenario. I watch far too much tv for that. Let's just say if anything ever came too close to the ol homestead they can expect more than just a pillow fight from the Jones's.

So, are you ready?

Be Mine

This is a little change of pace. I am going to talk about what I do best, I think.

I am crafty, and if I can glue it, cut it, embellish it, or cover it in glitter I will.

I made valentines for everyone this year, they look like the pic above - that is the one that my dad gets.

Anyways, I found the idea in one of those Parents magazines or whatever it is called. As per usual, it had directions, that I failed to follow through with. Next time I will add a photo of the magazine page so you can see what I was up against. I seriously don't know what my problem is with directions! But for now here is an instructional video should you ever decide to produce such cute valentines for yourself.

I will say, I started out with a fluffier, plushier type of pipe cleaners. Don't do that. They wind up looking like fat little blobs (which basically means they are given last- the recipients of the dud rings are the people you don't like as much "keepers of the ugly valentines" you know you have done that before. Don't judge.)

Just use regular skinny ol pipe cleaners for a more refined look, and that way all of your friends both good and crappy can get a cute valentine. So go get your bling on! You could be the cupid handing out the biggest rocks on the block. You are welcome!

Why I Can't Have Nice Things.

We are slowly yet surely getting settled into the house. I decided to conclude our nice weekend with a relaxing bath, you know, without baby monitor/dog bark/insert other usual noises here.

Our new bath tub is huge and it has jets, so that's pretty much awesome. I knew when we moved in every tub was scrubbed and cleaned by the cleaning ladies like a champ. But, just for good measure I would run a cleaning solution through one last time. Besides, I hadn't even figured out how to turn the jets on so this could be a good test run before I get my butt stuck in there and not figure out how to use the thing.

Sidenote- the people who owned this house before us were unbelievably huge, and their tub was no exception, I think I could fit 3-4 me size people in it comfortably.

So now the tub is full of hot water and cleaning solution and I cautiously (because I am still in pjs and a jacket) lean over to push the jet button. I am almost falling into the tub trying to reach the button on the side, I hear the jets start a low stream, and then I get a nervous little twitch because it looks like the water is shooting kind of high. Then BAM. A jet to the right of the tub shoots me, RIGHT IN THE FACE. I scramble trying not to fall into the tub yet swinging for the jet button before I get pelted with boiling hot water again. My pajamas, and jacket, along with my entire right side of my head are now soaked.

Of course I look around to see who saw this idiotic feat. Duh Stef, you are alone. So I laugh at myself for good measure. I re adjust the assaulting jets and finish the clean cycle. Drain.

Now it's time for the relaxing bath part right? RIGHT?

For Christmas I got some amazing bath fizzies from Lush in Canada. I pick this fizzy for tonight's relaxation. Let me also point out - My usual mantra is that life is too short for reading directions. Naturally bath products are no exception for me. I get the idea - bath salts and bath fizzies are pretty self explanatory, drop them in and let them work their magic. WRONG. Had I been smart (I mean maybe the blast of boiling hot cleaning solution to the face disoriented me momentarily) but had I been smart I would have read on the pretty little booklet Lush put into my box of fizzies that I need to add it AFTER THE WATER IS IN THE TUB. Not during the filling of the tub, but after. Oops. Too late to turn back now I am already in the tub. This tiny mishap coupled with turning the newly adjusted jets on resulted in more bubbles than I have ever had in any bath over the course of my entire life. So much so fast that bubbles literally crept up and jammed up half of my iPhone speakers(I had tunes on of course, well half way tunes now). As you can see in Image A - the slowly rising bubbles of doom:

I can't yell for help because Adeline is sleeping, so that would provide two scenarios for Brett's help. So I decide to try to dig a way through the bubbles to my phone so that I can send out an SOS text. I send "HELP. lol". And wait. And wait. I check the phone thinking well I guess I can try to call him but the speakers are jammed up. I then realize that the cry for help text was accidentally sent as a group text, to half of my family. Dammit. Seriously, what did I put in that cleaning solution?! I actually take a few pictures just to document the event should the bubbles actually eat me alive. I mean, the phone is already jacked up so what will a few more bubbles do? Image B: depicts a frightened bath taker, aka me:

Maybe 20 or so minutes later Brett decides to put his beloved book down and come check on me. Which really just consisted of walking in, saying "Holy shit where are you?!" and laughing.

My bathtub is a force to be reckoned with.

Moral of the story kids - when in doubt, read the directions!

PART 3- Holy Crap Adeline is a Model

PART 3- Holy Crap Adeline's summer modeling gig landed her in an ad.

Sometime last spring-ish I saw that 11Alive was hosting a cutest baby photo contest. Naturally, I sent in Ms. Baby's picture. This started a whole new adventure for us. She wound up getting picked to go to a modeling open call, which led to other auditions and open calls. Which led to two paid photoshoots. So, this was in July and I asked the lady when would we know if she was picked for the packaging and she said "we have so many new products coming out we can't say, but this should be out sometime in January, so if she is on the shelf at Babies R Us then you will know." Um, ok cool.

So of course I kept browsing online at Babies R Us to see that happy little face. I started looking a little early just in case, to no avail. Then January was here and I gave another look see, AND I SAW MY KID. HEY EVERYBODY! THAT IS MY KID! And by everybody I mean my dad because he was the only one in the room at the time. But still THAT IS MY KID! AHHHHH. When you follow this link to Babies R Us to see her cuteness do not be fooled, she is only in one picture, lying on her tummy. She is NOT in the breastfeeding picture. Thank baby jesus they didn't ask us to do that photoshoot. "Ok, so we are going to give your baby to this half naked stranger so she can pretend to be breastfeeding." I think I just threw up in my mouth a little just typing that. Sorry! But really, how in the heck did they pull that photoshoot off?

The next day my friend Amanda and I took Adeline to Babies R Us to pick up this pillow (which I already had like 3 of in a different brand, and she is totally too big for anyways) but I couldn't resist. We also got her some new clothes for being such an awesome little model. The lady at checkout couldn't believe she was the kid on the box. Naturally Adeline stuck around to sign autographs. What a ham. **

Weeks since I have checked the other new products from her 2nd photoshoot, and so far I am fairly certain they did not use Adeline on the packaging. Their loss! Hey, at least she got paid regardless. I am glad that her savings account is growing and she has stuff to show for it. If she had done one more paid photoshoot though she would have had to pay taxes on the income. I wish I were kidding! Way to be IRS! (I wish 99% of my posts didn't mention what shit our government can be.)

**Obviously the autograph thing was a joke, she is 1, she can't write. Duh

Part 2 - Holy Crap Adeline turned one.

I understand this is a little over her 1 year mark, but to commemorate Adeline coming into the world I wanted to post something.

Part 2 - Holy Crap Adeline turned one.

Since I am too busy to scrapbook I want to recount as much as I can from a year ago. It is harder than I thought it would be. Then, when I decide to be the perfect mom and scrapbook again I can read this junk to refresh my memory of how fun it was trying to get a human out of my body.

The biggest things I remember from having Adeline A-it really wasn't that hard, a lot of my acquaintances are liars. and B- Brett almost missed it because he was downstairs... IN THE E.R.

But really, here is the rundown: I had gestational diabetes so they wanted to induce me a smidge early because they thought Adeline was going to be a big, fat meloned, canadian baby. Which freaked me out so I said sure do what you do. The up side to inducing was I would know exactly when to tell family we were going to the hospital (which was convenient for any of Brett's family in Canada wanting to come and meet Ms.Baby).

We checked in to the hospital Monday at like 7ish-8ish, and not a whole hell of a lot happened that night aside from an IV that hurt like the devil. IV's hurt worse than most of the other stuff they did at the hospital that week. Seriously.

Woke up Tuesday morning to get the drugs to get the show on the road. They didn't really do much, Pitocin I think it's called. As the day wore on I could tell something was going on, but I wasn't progressing.

I was finally uncomfortable enough to request the epidural around 4ish pm. Took them about an hour or so to get to the room, and then some time to prep. Brett went to the childbirth class with me. Remember he made a pelvis vader. anyways, at that class they show you how an epidural is done, they even pass around the stuff they use to administer one.

So I decide I will be more still if I sit indian style on the bed, I lean on Brett. And wait. I can hear them starting, but I am going through a contraction so I could give two shits less what they are telling me,I just want them to hurry. I'm buried in Brett's chest and am clenching his shirt, I think that he is looking down at the top of my head, or kissing the top of my head. Either way, I get the urge to let go of his shirt, and literally seconds later, I see Brett go down, and then screaming from my mom and a nurse... Uh....WHAT. Of course, they are still in the middle of giving me an epidural, so I seriously don't even look or turn my head(you know, so I don't wind up PARALYZED or whatever the hell) so I have no idea if Brett is bleeding on the floor or what. While I am still waiting for the go ahead to move, I see out of the corner of my eye Brett rolling away on a stretcher. Great.

I had heard that after an epidural it could still take a while (hours+) to be ready to actually have the baby, so I was thinking things had moved sooooo slowly over the last 24 hours I had plenty of time to see what was going on with Brett. WRONG. 30 minutes later the nurse said, ok time to have this baby! Uh, can we maybe see if my husband is alive first? Yea, the big canadian guy you guys took away a few minutes ago, I think he wanted to be here for this part.

Not long after they wheeled his ass around to the side of my bed. At least he was conscious at that point.

Then? I almost had Adeline without a doctor. My nurse basically delivered her. They informed the doc when they thought I would be having her, guess they also assumed I would be pushing for a while. Try 30 minutes. What? That part was supposed to be hard too? You guys and your stories! pffffft.

Got to hold her, immediately, there were no issues or anything that made them whisk her away or anything. She was tiny, and had an average sized melon. No massive crazy monster baby, a little 7 pounder. And the rest is blissful history. Well, until our E.R. bills for crazy came in. Someone didn't have insurance yet! wooooo fun. At least I had insurance though, and good insurance so all was well on that front.

Now that Adeline is 1 she does so much awesome and cool stuff. She walks, she attempts to chase the dogs, she talks a little, she gives great hugs and kisses, eats like a champ, shares and plays like a champ. Just incredible. Brett and I are much better parents than we thought we would be, so that is good for her. ha. I hope to surprise a lot of people with the amazing-ness of our child. I think that is a pretty solid goal to have.

And that concludes Part 2!

**To be technical - Brett started having problems when he thought he saw my blood during the epidural procedure, triggering a neurocardiogenic syncope aka a vasovagal response. He was legit, inconvenient yet legit. I guess he forgot that day was all about ME and ADELINE.