Wednesday, August 10, 2011

The Poster Child for Healthy Living.

Today's post is brought to you by: these shitty tasting carrot sticks I am currently eating.

I swear, I am the worst example of healthy living.

I kinda feel like it doesn't matter if you are one of those weirdo 100% vegan tree huggin' hemp wearin' hippies who only ingests organic mush 24-7 and hikes the Appalachian trail barefoot OR if you are one of those eat whatever, and drink and smoke whatever because only the good die young. There are tons of cases of 90+ year old women who drink wine and smoke because they have done so since prohibition ended. And old dudes who have coveted their special brand of scotch since the paleolithic era. They are perfectly pickled.

I'm sure that the "perfectly pickled" people (say that 5 times fast!) are somewhat of a medical mystery. They probably have been getting yelled at by their doctors for decades, and despite their wishes kept up with those pesky habits.

Why do I mention these things? Because now, now I am a mom, and well no longer 21 - my metabolism went in the shitter after the baby got here. I don't feel quite as foxy as I should, and I actually have to formulate a plan to lose some poundage, and remain somewhat "healthy". I really don't want to set a bad example for Adeline that will haunt her for the rest of her life. And for me diet plans always work better than heavy duty exercise routines. Running, and playing any sort of sport is laughable when I am involved. The only time you will see my ass running is if something is chasing me. And sports, well, I played softball for barely one season when I was 10, and that mostly consisted of me walking up to bat, getting nailed with the ball, and getting to walk to first base. I don't even like sweating. Seriously, I didn't even sweat when I had a baby...Not gonna say it was easy (oh wait, it was) but I just don't like sweating. Which reminds me, I need to get the hell out of GA.

So there ya have it. I am stuck somewhere in the middle of not wanting to become the vegan spokeswoman for PETA who climbed Mt.Everest...Twice... And not wanting to become that 103 year old perfectly pickled pain in the ass who will never die and leave my children their well deserved inheritance. What can I say, I want to have my steak and eat it too!


  1. as usual you make me laugh...oh and btw you're doing a beautiful job on my eliptical :)

  2. oh and also you didn't need to sweat while giving birth I'm quite certain I did enough sweating for all of us, what the hell was up with that

  3. Yeah. I hate to sweat, too. Considering that I grew up dancing in my bedroom to 80s tunes while my father stood out in the hall shouting, "TURN THAT JUNGLE MUSIC DOWN! WHAT IS THAT CRAP?! THAT'S NOT MUSIC! THIS IS MUSIC!" and then he would crank up the Charlie Pride or the Statler Brothers and my mother would weep because there would be Motley Crue blasting from my room and Crystal Gale jamming from Dad's. It was awful.

    Now, that I'm an adult, I go to Zumba and it's an hour of dancing without my Dad screaming about God-awful Africa jungle crap. Yeah, he was prejudice. It was awesome. I sweat but I don't think about it because I'm having too much fun. That's how I manage to exercise and get through it.

    Hope the diet works out, hon!

  4. That is awesome - sounds like stuff my dad would say! And kudos on the zumba deal, that is pretty intense.