Tuesday, September 20, 2011


Hey where am I going? And why am I in this basket? I may be going to hell for posting this picture, but at least I will be laughing on the way!

Hands down one of the funniest things to me is an asian accent.
So since I found this gem online I just can't stop laughing.

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Candy Caper

If you came into work and found the above illustrated scenario on top of your desk you would probably think a few things may have happened:
A-perhaps a small family of candy loving mice have taken residence in your office. (One might think the small brown things are droppings, as indicated within the red arrows)
B-perhaps it is "bring your kid" to work day, and someone's child has found their way into your office and has begun constructing the initial stages of a candy bar collage.
C-perhaps someone in the office is a closet eater and they are dumping evidence in your room to lessen suspicion on themselves.

However, I know, that when I come in and see that on my desk none of the above are true. In fact, this simply means that my dad has been here. I know it all too well. Especially when the Halloween season is among us, my aunt stocks the office candy jar chock full of tootsie rolls, junior mints, mini candy bars, jolly ranchers and any other tooth rotting treat you can think of. But do I fall prey to the candy jar's allure? No way. As a new mommy with a metabolism that is a total joke I know that such treats make your clothes shrink.

So how does the evidence of eaten treats wind up in my room? That is easy. My dad has developed an aversion to ripping open candy wrappers, so he sneaks into my office and uses my scissors to cut the open. But that is ok, I love him anyways, even if he does make me look like the fat kid with all of these candy remnants and wrappers decorating my place.

I should be a detective.

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Chicken Salads

Let me set the stage: As the local tech guru I get all of my dad's emails forwarded to myself so that they are read and handled in a timely manner. Yesterday we/dad received this email: (name may have been changed to protect the terribly mistaken)

Hello My name is John ______ and I would like to order for individual, grilled Caesar chicken salads in your restaurant for 150 people on 28th September and pick up time is 4pm, and it's for my Mom's Birthday Party. It will be picked up by my courier agent and I am ready to pay the full payment with my credit card so get to me with the following information below...

Restaurant Address:
Total cost for the food:
Personal cell #:
Please Advise.

Best Regards,

Good morning John,
I regret to inform you that you have most definitely contacted the wrong person while ordering your 150 chicken salads. The recipient would have never recieved this message if it weren't for me reading his emails for him. This particular email address ( "Car Man" Dennis) is my 62 year old father who on the best of days does not know how to turn a pc on. The only thing you could order from us would be a classic muscle car, or some commercial floor covering. Just wanted to let you know we certainly are not a restaurant, because your email seems to be pretty important. Hopefully you find the correct email, so your mom can enjoy some salads. The happiest of birthday wishes to her.
"Car Man" Dennis + his tech savvy kid

p.s. - would you possibly be Canadian? you write like my mother-in-law, especially the -please advise- part.

Thursday, September 8, 2011


An interesting process has come to my attention and I would like to discuss...
And that is the process of people buying items from wedding gift registries.
It is an unbelievable concept to me. A few times a year I find myself looking up wedding registries to try to find something to give to an eagerly unrealistic bride and groom.

Do you ever look at a registry and think, "Who the f*ck made this thing? Did they give the scanner to a 4 year old? Did they forget that they aren't Kim Kardashian?"
I will be perfectly honest, I have seen things like flat screen tvs, video gaming systems (and no, that wasn't mine and Brett's registry). To complete sets of patio furniture, and they need what? a $200 salt and pepper shaker set? Who the f*ck needs a $200 salt and pepper shaker?

After 5 minutes of gawking at the fun prices of things that are somewhat equivalent to a weeks worth of pay you have a heart to heart with yourself. "How much do I really like Bill and Jane?" I remember those bastards got me a casserole dish, and wine bottle opener, I don't even like wine. As you battle it out in your head, you quickly switch the webpage settings to sort the registry in question from lowest to highest price, and then decide how many of the smaller items you can put together without looking like a cheap ass.

Luckily for me I am the craftiest crafter around so I make something very awesome and cool to incorporate into the gift. I even make pretty little greeting cards, so I have a leg up on other guests. Either that, or my pretty handmade stuff distracts them from the fact that I did not pick up that $350 kitchen mixer off of their sadly unnecesary registry (let's just cut to the chase, we know it would be best to just get you guys a set of margarita glasses because I really don't pin you to be much of a baker there susie homemaker).

My suggestion to couples out there? Don't be so pretentious, or you will wind up with like 10 or more $25.00 toasters, and more cheap coffee makers than you can shake a stick at. For real.

Let's discuss. What are some of the most interesting outrageous things you have encountered on registries?