registered

An interesting process has come to my attention and I would like to discuss...

And that is the process of people buying items from wedding gift registries.

It is an unbelievable concept to me. A few times a year I find myself looking up wedding registries to try to find something to give to an eagerly unrealistic bride and groom.

Do you ever look at a registry and think, "Who the f*ck made this thing? Did they give the scanner to a 4 year old? Did they forget that they aren't Kim Kardashian?"

I will be perfectly honest, I have seen things like flat screen tvs, video gaming systems (and no, that wasn't mine and Brett's registry). To complete sets of patio furniture, and they need what? a $200 salt and pepper shaker set? Who the f*ck needs a $200 salt and pepper shaker?

After 5 minutes of gawking at the fun prices of things that are somewhat equivalent to a weeks worth of pay you have a heart to heart with yourself. "How much do I really like Bill and Jane?" I remember those bastards got me a casserole dish, and wine bottle opener, I don't even like wine. As you battle it out in your head, you quickly switch the webpage settings to sort the registry in question from lowest to highest price, and then decide how many of the smaller items you can put together without looking like a cheap ass.

Luckily for me I am the craftiest crafter around so I make something very awesome and cool to incorporate into the gift. I even make pretty little greeting cards, so I have a leg up on other guests. Either that, or my pretty handmade stuff distracts them from the fact that I did not pick up that $350 kitchen mixer off of their sadly unnecesary registry (let's just cut to the chase, we know it would be best to just get you guys a set of margarita glasses because I really don't pin you to be much of a baker there susie homemaker).

My suggestion to couples out there? Don't be so pretentious, or you will wind up with like 10 or more $25.00 toasters, and more cheap coffee makers than you can shake a stick at. For real.

Let's discuss. What are some of the most interesting outrageous things you have encountered on registries?