Wednesday, August 29, 2012

Dragon Con 2012: Pre-event post.

It is interesting to me how every year as Dragon Con nears my friends ask me if I am going, and then they ask a bunch of other stuff, like who will be there, what it is, etc etc... I now realize a lot of it is pointless babble on my part, as they can't fully wrap their head around what a crazy massive event it is. Nevertheless, by the end of the conversation they always say "Wow! that sounds awesome, I am totally going next year."

This will be my 5th year attending, and do any of my friends stick to their word and show up? Of course not. Correction: I have friends that attend, don't get me wrong. But for the rest- my guess is that I am just a terrible nerd converter. They have to be within my ranks already.

So what do I say to all of the nay sayers?
Have fun roasting weenies this holiday weekend, I am going to be partying for 4 days with 60,000 of my closest friends. Suckers.

Want to see who will be at Dragon Con this year? this link will take you there.

Thursday, August 23, 2012

You Are You, I Am Me. A Parenting Review.

I have decided to discuss the wonderful world of parenting, remember kids - there are no experts!

       When you read this post don't get me wrong, my baby is the metaphorical bundle of joy that I would never want to imagine life without. I also don't want people to read any of the stuff I post about parenting and jump to a few conclusions (ie. bad mom, ungrateful, *enter any other total BS here*). So far I have a very well rounded child, and for the most part she is also well behaved (and cute as hell so that out weighs a lot of things). 

It is my solid belief that people who have multiple children and say that it is "easy", I am convinced, live with a pretty hefty sense of denial. But that is neither here nor there.

      I can say that pre-baby days I had an inkling of a travel bug. Cross country road trips, cruising around island hopping, a little taste of Ireland, a little taste of Canada, Mexico, Puerto Rico. Certainly not enough stamps in my passport to say I was "well traveled", but I have traveled.
At any rate, as a parent I still have to pack all day every day - just for smaller distances. When you have a baby trying to make it to the store is a quest in and of itself. Going anywhere with a little person is a challenge. There are bags and bags for days.

      You need the diaper bag, and as soon as that fills up (which is in no time) you have to have a bag for toys, a bag for snacks, and then your own bag that holds the shit you may actually use like car keys or wallets. Half the time you will forget that last one, and be somewhere that currency is rather necessary.
For instance, the end of the transaction at the grocery store where you have a bagged cart full of groceries and a pissed off kid and woops, no wallet, hell not even a purse. See what I mean? I know I know, some of you are thinking "omg, why doesn't she just buy a large diaper bag?". Excellent point, it is easier to just dump the world into one bag.
I am not much for archaeology, but taking this approach you can be sure that in a few weeks of carrying the "end all be all" diaper bag that you are going to rummage around and dig up some shit you really don't care to find. "When did I buy raisins? or whatever the hell this is!." Sanitize, rinse, and repeat.

       Aside from the baggage dilemma, people always have an opinion when it comes to having the little dears. Technically, if I had a dollar for every person that has asked me when I am having baby #2 I could actually afford baby #2, and a nanny to chase after it for me. And people, people, people, do you have any idea what you are even implying here? If they reworded their phrases they wouldn't be talking at all.

Let me demonstrate:

1) "When are you guys going to have another baby?!"  ---rephrased--- "When are you going to torture yourself for 9 months straight so another person can travel through your uterus, and then torture you for 18 additional years?"     ...why I don't know, that just sounds so, appealing. I will get right on that for you.

2) "Go ahead and get pregnant again while you are young"  ---rephrased--- "Go ahead and get pregnant while you still have a lot of really cool and exciting shit going on, you can play when you retire, and by retire I mean die." and exciting shit is for the birds. I will get right on that for you.

3) "You should have children close together in age so they can play" ---rephrased--- "You should have them close together in age so that you can skip any reprieve from wiping asses the first 5 years, and then watch them beat the ever living shit out of each other for the next 10 years, and when they are done beating each other up it will be time to buy them two cars, and then two college educations." wallet is crying just thinking about it, that is if I knew where the hell my wallet was. *checks large diaper bag*.

This is not a jab at any of my friends or relatives with 2,3,4, or 5 kids. If you want to be like a pack of dogs and have a litter go right ahead. Just don't tell me about why it worked for YOU. You are you, I am me. I feel like this could be a song. "you are you, I am me, I currently only want one baby". It needs some work, but it is a start.

And for those of you who did jump the gun and do think I am now a bad mom, please review:

That my friends is one happy, healthy little baby. You are welcome. 

Thursday, August 16, 2012

Technology and Old Men are the Devil

This post brought to you by my latest exclamation:

If I had a dollar for every time I got blamed for an old man's technological shortcomings I would have a lot of damn dollars.

        Now, why do I say all of this? I know you have all heard me complain about dad's new hobby/my new, unwanted career. But this morning was a prime example of why I want to stuff my head into a pillow and scream. I got an email, by I, I mean dad got an email. They all forward to me because he can't figure out how to log in to check them, much less respond to them. It was a fellow in CT asking why dad had not paid for two items he had purchased from him. Dad (I ) always pay promptly. With eBay it is easy peasy. I just log in and see what says Pay Now and click and done, but those days are over.

Somehow my dad felt like he had mastered the art of the interwebs and has discovered a website that is far superior to eBay. He can find higher quality items, and buy them outright, no bidding wars. Oh dad, dad, dad, dad.

        I didn't want to call it out publicly because dad just can't stop the rave reviews, but it is total crap. Even when I tried to read the about us section words are missing because of the large graphic they smacked in the middle of the page. Maybe some poor schmuck living in his parents basement made the site, who knows. No no, that can't be right, a basement nerd would do a much better job. At any rate, someone who needs some help has created this site. Sellers create shops and an account, got it. Buyers have the option to create an account, which is great if you aren't planning to buy anything ever. Otherwise? Make all parties involved create an account.

        Naturally when my dad got all "junk drunk" and started buying shit he opted to not create an account. I guess the 2 extra boxes he had to fill out for a username and password were simply outlandish and inconvenient. So he ( I ) just start getting emails with links to the stellar website.
-A seller sees a purchase has been made and they create an invoice that you can print and pay. Most of these sellers like checks mailed to them. Of course they do. So now instead of my stress-less one click away through AN ACCOUNT on eBay I am printing and reprinting stuff, and then addressing envelopes for dad to just fire checks off across the nation, in hopes these super trustworthy merchants will then ship an item he probably won't even remember ordering in the first place.
       Sounds, so legit, and so stress free doesn't it? I am half surprised that we aren't buying items from Nigerian princes at this point. I will cut a tiny bit of slack- some sellers do have a paypal option. But there is no accountability, I am still unsure how the site handles non payments and non shipments.

       So what happens when you have a buyer (dad) and a seller that both don't know how to use the crappy website? You have items that don't get paid for. And a seller who is confused and mad at you because he can't navigate the site well enough to make an invoice for you. Ask dad how to log in to his account to view a running list of invoices. Account? I don't have one of those? What do you mean, why are you asking me this stuff? Just contact the guy he says. Then I get to rummage through dozens of emails and invoice links to see who he may owe and for what item.

Hey let's leave some feedback...oh wait, we don't have an account, nevermind! Feedback on this site is a joke anyways...

Now you will have to excuse me, I have a wall to bang my head into.

Monday, August 13, 2012

The Girl Who Tweeted "Wolf"

      I really thought at this juncture in my life that people knew better than to take me seriously almost all of the time. Almost. Apparently some of my posts are taken with a grain of salt, and others are just completely alarming to people. I caught some heat last night for tweeting:

Brett: why does our sweet little angel have a voodoo doll in her hand? Me:I gave it to her. Adeline:*throws voodoo doll at Brett's face.*

Now, if anyone follows any of what I say ever, they would know that it wasn't quite literal. I didn't summon up some legit voodoo doll, possess it with some sort of spell, and hand it to my toddler with a hand full of pins and say "get stabby baby, mommy has to go paint her nails!". It was actually just a small keychain size toy of a voodoo doll. I have a ninja and a genie. Naturally Adeline chose the ninja to play with. They kind of look like the above photo. Innocent enough. 

To anyone who may take me too seriously at any point, think about it - within the last week here is the recap of my posting/tweeting highlights:

- Personally hosting a teapot convention.
- Gluing hundreds of buttons to my shoes.*
- An 8 foot tall ice cream cone.*
- A case of vintage explosive chickens.*
-  Seeing MacGyver.*
- Sedimentology and a geological database.*
- Marty Huggins for President.
- Monsters.
- Armadillos in Canton, GA.
- and the voodoo doll snafu.

     I guess it is weird that at least 50% of those highlights do have a factual basis (please see bullet points marked with an * ). But work with me here people! This got me thinking, maybe I am like the girl who cried "wolf" but instead of wolf I have a bunch of really random and obscure stuff that I am announcing. Then when I actually have something important to say no one will believe me. I will be the girl who tweeted wolf. Oh well, at least I will entertain the shit out of you all in the meantime.

Tuesday, August 7, 2012

Junk Drunk

"Hello, my name is Dennis, and I am addicted to picking".
Ok, so my dad didn't really say that, but he did say:

Dad: Can you look on that little magic machine    (my iPhone)   and see how long it takes to get to Lynchburg, Virginia?
Me: 8 hours, what's up?
Dad: That's not bad. I gotta go pick up an 8 foot ice cream cone. But first, I gotta build a special crate to hold it in. 
Me: That's cool. Really I was thinking (WHAT THE HELL! WHO DOES THAT!)

      Later that day I tried to figure out what sort of ridiculous items I might buy if I could just for the sake of my out of control hobby. So far I have squat.  I did however find this website, and this website - which lists weird as hell hobbies. Perhaps I will take up Ecstasy pill collecting, Beetle fighting, or Javelin catching. So maybe dad isn't crazy, he is just dedicated.  

      I really think that dad could have his own show. Just yesterday I spent a few hours designing business cards for his "hobby"  - Junk Drunk Pickers. How appropriate! So far his "hobby" has enveloped an entire metal building. It includes; a bar, a service station, a general store, and soon to be soda fountain. There are mentions of a bank and a post office, and I am rooting for an old theater (or theatre if you wish). 

     This has also developed into my part time career between all of the eBay communications and transactions I have to handle, mapping the next pick, and general magic machine errands that require finding websites/antique malls/auctions/other related events. At least I get paid bonuses in way of awesome tea pots and vintage owls for my own collections. I have considered telling dad I now collect money, so if he happens to find any on his picks that will suffice. I do love my owls and teapots so I can't complain! But I can laugh when my dad travels cross country for an ice cream cone, and 8 foot ice cream cone.

A sampling of some of dad's tiny town:

Monday, August 6, 2012

Collection Smash Up - Fashion Edition

Yesterday I tweeted:

I just spent 3 hours glueing one of my collections to another collection. Figure that one out! Or wait til it hits my blog this week.

Here are some of the things I tend to collect:
1) Vintage Owls
2) Teapots
3) Buttons
4) Rescued dogs
5) Expired coupons
6) Shoes 
7) Tiny magazine clippings. Remember this post?

Glancing at this list makes me feel like maybe I need less weird collections. But it could be worse right? I mean, I could be like Barry on Dinner for Schmucks and make art work out of dead mice... 
Yea, I feel better now.

Anyways, I decided to combine a small (really small) portion of the buttons collection, and the shoe collection.
I started with a pair of heels that I rarely wore because of the print:

Directions? Ok:
Gather: buttons of all shapes and sizes, rhinestones, embellishment pearls (found in scrapbook aisle), and some fabric glue.
       I took a lot of time organizing which button should go where so that I could fill the most space as possible without going outside the outline of the shoe's fabric. I glued all buttons first, and then I took the small rhinestones and pearls to fill in the spaces that the buttons wouldn't fit. 

The end results:
And on the feets:

Somewhere in my mass button collection (seriously, after these shoes were completed you couldn't even tell I had been into the collection at all) I found a Christian Dior button. I am pretty sure it would have been more valuable not covered in craft glue, but that took my shoes to the next level. I also found a button that says Hazard on it, so that helped too. I'm sure

Wednesday, August 1, 2012


Watching the news this morning to catch all of the election results from yesterday:

Me: T-SPLOST is dead!!!
Brett: Who is that?
Me: *blink blink*
Brett: No really, who is that?
Me: It. It was the transportation referendum.
Brett: Oh, I thought it was a rapper.

That my friends, is why we don't let foreigners vote. Or Brett Jones in general. I love you hunny!