Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Reindeer games

On the drive to work this morning I get the feeling that someone is riding my bumper, I take a glance in the rear view mirror and I see a fuzzy little pair of reindeer antlers.
I then have to adjust the mirror so that I can see what is attached to this corny christmas decor, and I see a yellow VW beetle. I speed up a little to see A-why is the tiny car in such a hurry, I am in the right lane and B-who is furiously driving this little car. I see a man in his late 30's. I also see that he has a hawaiin lei draping his ridiculous little mirror, but even better - he has adorned his front license plate with a HARLEY DAVIDSON tag. Hardcore sir, hardcore.

Wish I could have rolled down the window and said, "You drive the equivalent to the Vespa of motorcycles, so get off my ass. I totally understand why you are such an aggressive driver though. It is probably mentally and physically painful to drive such a gay looking car. If you really want to be seen and heard on the road so that you can get to work in a timely manner, perhaps you should purchase a loud, manly truck, or harley since you are apparently a fan, not a pregnant roller skate. Just a suggestion."

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

I bet you didn't know

5 fun facts about me that you may not have known:

1-The most expensive thing in my closet would be a pair of Lucchese classic cowboy boots. I could have made half a mortgage payment with those things. But, no matter what I think they will be awesome and in season. They are cowboy boots. If you think otherwise I will kick you, with the boots on.
2- The only hickey I have ever gotten was from a Stingray. I was on one of those cruise excursions where you "swim with the stingrays". Like goobers, tourist bob around with snacks hanging around their necks and are surprised when the stingrays then swarm around them and scare the hell out of them.
3- When I was barely old enough to talk I made my mom play a Randy Travis tape on repeat, my absolute favorite song was Diggin' Up Bones. Sidenote- when I was little I also thought that Randy Travis was the man on the Cracker Barrel sign. Ha, kids.
4- I got my first job when I was 14. I worked for my dad's old car garage, I helped take the front and back ends and all rusty parts off the cars when they came in, and then I sandblasted the rust off of what I could. The guys had to rig a special stool up for me because I was too short to get my arms into the sand blasting machine. That job lasted a year and I threw the towel in and went to work at a coffee shop.
5- I have been playing the Alto saxophone since I was 9 years old, I picked that instrument because I saw it on a PBS special my dad was watching on big band music. That weekend he bought an old used one for me to learn on, it smelled like cigarettes because of all the night clubs it had been in. But I played the hell out of that thing. I later got a brand new one, and I will sometimes go a year or more without cracking the case open, but never ever forget how to play it.