Thursday, August 23, 2012

You Are You, I Am Me. A Parenting Review.

I have decided to discuss the wonderful world of parenting, remember kids - there are no experts!

       When you read this post don't get me wrong, my baby is the metaphorical bundle of joy that I would never want to imagine life without. I also don't want people to read any of the stuff I post about parenting and jump to a few conclusions (ie. bad mom, ungrateful, *enter any other total BS here*). So far I have a very well rounded child, and for the most part she is also well behaved (and cute as hell so that out weighs a lot of things). 

It is my solid belief that people who have multiple children and say that it is "easy", I am convinced, live with a pretty hefty sense of denial. But that is neither here nor there.

      I can say that pre-baby days I had an inkling of a travel bug. Cross country road trips, cruising around island hopping, a little taste of Ireland, a little taste of Canada, Mexico, Puerto Rico. Certainly not enough stamps in my passport to say I was "well traveled", but I have traveled.
At any rate, as a parent I still have to pack all day every day - just for smaller distances. When you have a baby trying to make it to the store is a quest in and of itself. Going anywhere with a little person is a challenge. There are bags and bags for days.

      You need the diaper bag, and as soon as that fills up (which is in no time) you have to have a bag for toys, a bag for snacks, and then your own bag that holds the shit you may actually use like car keys or wallets. Half the time you will forget that last one, and be somewhere that currency is rather necessary.
For instance, the end of the transaction at the grocery store where you have a bagged cart full of groceries and a pissed off kid and woops, no wallet, hell not even a purse. See what I mean? I know I know, some of you are thinking "omg, why doesn't she just buy a large diaper bag?". Excellent point, it is easier to just dump the world into one bag.
I am not much for archaeology, but taking this approach you can be sure that in a few weeks of carrying the "end all be all" diaper bag that you are going to rummage around and dig up some shit you really don't care to find. "When did I buy raisins? or whatever the hell this is!." Sanitize, rinse, and repeat.

       Aside from the baggage dilemma, people always have an opinion when it comes to having the little dears. Technically, if I had a dollar for every person that has asked me when I am having baby #2 I could actually afford baby #2, and a nanny to chase after it for me. And people, people, people, do you have any idea what you are even implying here? If they reworded their phrases they wouldn't be talking at all.

Let me demonstrate:

1) "When are you guys going to have another baby?!"  ---rephrased--- "When are you going to torture yourself for 9 months straight so another person can travel through your uterus, and then torture you for 18 additional years?"     ...why I don't know, that just sounds so, appealing. I will get right on that for you.

2) "Go ahead and get pregnant again while you are young"  ---rephrased--- "Go ahead and get pregnant while you still have a lot of really cool and exciting shit going on, you can play when you retire, and by retire I mean die." and exciting shit is for the birds. I will get right on that for you.

3) "You should have children close together in age so they can play" ---rephrased--- "You should have them close together in age so that you can skip any reprieve from wiping asses the first 5 years, and then watch them beat the ever living shit out of each other for the next 10 years, and when they are done beating each other up it will be time to buy them two cars, and then two college educations." wallet is crying just thinking about it, that is if I knew where the hell my wallet was. *checks large diaper bag*.

This is not a jab at any of my friends or relatives with 2,3,4, or 5 kids. If you want to be like a pack of dogs and have a litter go right ahead. Just don't tell me about why it worked for YOU. You are you, I am me. I feel like this could be a song. "you are you, I am me, I currently only want one baby". It needs some work, but it is a start.

And for those of you who did jump the gun and do think I am now a bad mom, please review:

That my friends is one happy, healthy little baby. You are welcome. 

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