Each year I get stumped on what to give Mr. Jones as an anniversary gift. I never really followed the traditional anniversary gift list. Which you can view here. I decided to give the traditional route a spin this year. My choices were fruit or flowers, or both I guess.
After much head scratching I decided I needed to do something that would catch him off guard. Aside from unexpectedly throwing fruit at him, I figured this had to be one of those "go big or go home" situations. I decided what better way to surprise Brett than to park a bunch of FRUIT TREES inside our house for him to stumble upon. Originally I thought about strategically placing them in our bedroom, but I must say that my original plans were poorly executed.
Scene change - I am at Home Depot yesterday afternoon, and I have to ask where the trees are (strike one). After finding the section of fruit trees they send someone in to help me, pffft...like I needed it. I tell the fellow that i'd like an apple tree and a peach tree because I am indecisive. He informs me that I must buy these in pairs so that they can cross pollinate, and different types will work best. I sigh and shake my fist at the sky saying "why are there so many rules?!". I'm pretty sure he laughed at my dismay. I then take way too long to try to pick out 4 trees, meanwhile he asks me "what do you plan to do with these?". To which I answer, "Oh, i'm just putting them in my bedroom!". The very confused man then helps me pick out 4 trees and loads a cart for me and hauls it to checkout.
As I am paying a thought occurs to me, "sonofabitch! I am in my CAR, and I just bought TREES." I tell the workers I don't need help because it would then be more blatantly obvious that I am ill prepared for tree purchasing this day. I trudge to my car and open every single door on it. Readjust seats a time or two, and then spend about 5 minutes looking at the trees, and then looking at the car. Trees, car, trees, car. I then just start leaning and shoving them into various corners of the vehicle and quickly shutting all of the doors. By the way- TREES ARE HEAVY. Windows also get cracked so that the sporadic branch or leaf bundle can hang out of the windows for added comfort.
I get home and I hide the tall, heavy trees in the basement. Since I wound up with 4 trees instead of 2 I also realize that placing them gently in our bedroom while he is sleeping that night isn't going to happen. Few reasons why:
1) He goes to bed later than I do.
2) Our 3 dogs may think the tall trees are intruders and bark, or pee on them, whatever.
3) Did I mention that TREES ARE HEAVY?
4) From the looks of my vehicle I can infer that they put off a lot of water, dirt, and bark so I don't want to clean my carpet.
I then learn that he is going to get us breakfast in the morning so the opportunity to set it all up presents itself. As soon as I heard his car roll away this morning I ran downstairs and furiously carried the tiny orchard into our entry way. Hello cardio.
He also got a card (Oooohhhh) which incorporates the last 3 years that I slacked on:
In case anyone was wondering, I glued some of my pictures from a Departures magazine to the card.
And yes, I do realize that in the card I spelled pollinate incorrectly. Real life doesn't have an autocorrect. Gah.
Oh JAYSUS! That had me laughing and snorting! "So they can cross pollinate, yo!" was the best EVER!
ReplyDeleteHAPPY ANNIVERSARY YOU TWO WHIPPERSNAPPERS! By year 17, you go out for dinner and a movie. Although, I see that porcelain is the traditional 18th anniversary gift so LOOKS LIKE TYLER IS GETTING A NEW TOILET!