Put it on my tab

Technically there are what, 10 days until Christmas festivities? I would say, for the next 10 days I will be worried about a few things. Things like, did I get everyone's gifts? Are they wrapped? What sort of awesomeness do I want to bake or cook for this party and that party. Most importantly is- are we sticking within our budget we have made for the holidays? We are normal humans, our wallets are feeling the strain these days.

To my surprise I get a phone call this morning. It's the hospital we are having the baby at. Cool, maybe they have some pre-registration questions for me or something so I have less paperwork later on. WRONG. What seems to start as an informative phone call about my insurance benefits ends with, "Your deductible is going to be (enter a concerning amount of money here) will you be paying that today with a check or by credit card?"

Me: "Uh, neither, call you back bye."

What the hell is going on here?! I look down, and yup there is still a person chilling out in my uterus. Quite contently might I add. Pretty sure she has no intentions of leaving her cozy abode for at least another 5 weeks. Which leads me to wonder, why would I pay a hospital for my entire stay and services - if I haven't even received them yet??? And why are you bugging me like the week before Christmas! Have you no souls?!

I call them back and explain that much to their dismay I won't be checking my couch cushions today for the thousands of dollars that they want... today. I ask when they need payment by. "Two weeks prior to delivery" Which is convenient for me because who knows when that could be. Because of the gestational diabetes my delivery date can change. Point is, what is the point?

At this juncture in conversation #2 they still have yet to mention payment options/billing options. I have to drag that out of them. Well duh they can set up a payment plan. I am now wondering why they are bullying me in the first place, I am offering to pay you. period. I could be an illegal and expect you bastards to deliver my baby for free.

Which brings up an interesting point - do you think that if I tell them my husband has a green card they will give me a discount? Hey, a girl can dream!

Maybe they should have just sent me a holiday greeting card with a picture of their ass saying "Merry F*cking Christmas, now pay up you schmucks." At least I could have had a few seconds of fun opening my mail thinking, Oh yay a christmas card.