Thursday, December 30, 2010


So, yesterday I was watching a little bit of the Toddlers and Tiaras marathon on TLC don't ask, I feel terrible about it. But some very interesting thoughts came to mind while watching that train wreck of a show...

First, I wonder if DFCS watches this stuff in order to scope out who to bust for being the worst parents ever? It is pretty obvious that most of these poor kids have to go through this because their moms are fat heifers that don't have a snowball's chance to ever be pageant material. So they force their pipe dream on their unfortunate children.

Another thing I found amusing was that one of the commercials that kept playing in between episodes was for the "Your Baby can Read" program. Obviously, most of the fools who put their kids through this pageantry bullshit are far more concerned with their 3 year old's spray tan than if she can read or express any sign of intelligence.

So here I am bashing the pageant scene, when in fact I have been in one myself. How dare I right?!!! In my defense, I was 16 and not 4 - and my mom had nothing to do with forcing me into it. Our highschool's baseball team hosted a "Queen of Diamonds" pageant each spring, and all of the proceeds went towards the team (I think). So one of the guys talked me into it and yes, that is ALL that I did for the baseball team -thankyouverymuch-

I didn't know what was what from what in a pageant. The woman who handed me the package said some mess about formal wear and casual wear. I of course had a prom dress so that was one down one to go. Casual eh? I asked around. Some of the other girls gave me ideas or told me what they were doing (seriously, how many girls can possibly wear business attire in one evening?). Naturally I went outside of the box, like way the hell away from any box on my casual wear gig. I was told we can bring props too, oh goody me likey props.

So I show up for the pageant, with my little printed pageant number for the judges to see me - and judge me. Oh they had no idea.

We all went out and formed a line in our formal wear for the initial scope out from the judges. Then we go back, line up and do the individual dealy. And then it was time for casual wear... hehe

Guess where my prop was? In a cage.

I waltzed right out onto the stage when it was my time to show my casual wear with my good ol' buddy Oscar draped around my neck. Oscar my BALL PYTHON that is. The squeals and shrieks coming from the other girls backstage probably made my entrance that much more interesting.

I wish those damn stage lights weren't so ridiculously bright so I could have seen the reactions of the judges and audience. I could hear the pleasantly audible gasps  (and a few screams) which sufficed I guess. Apparently that was the first time anyone had brought a ball python as a prop, go figure.

Did I win anything? Well hell no I didn't. Rigged, not rigged, snake, no snake I probably didn't stand a chance - this sort of thing was totally not me anyways. If I can remember correctly(and I can't) one of the 20+ girls dressed in a pinstripe suit with a briefcase won for casual wear. Glad they encourage creativity during pageants right? At any rate, I took my little medal that every participant gets and packed Oscar up.

I apologize for the fuzziness of the photo of Oscar and I - but the formal wear pic is pretty clear.


  1. and if i recall your 11 year old neice had quite the time "babysitting" oscar whilst you were busy elsewhere, she quite enjoyed making those other foofoo fancy teenage girls squeal, booyah!!!
    oh and yay for thinking outside the box