Greek Yogurt.

I tried Greek yogurt for the first time, so I could be like the cool kids. I am pretty sure that my taste buds are going to murder me in my sleep tonight.

It's so bad I can't even come up with the appropriate amount of adjectives to describe my dismay. Oh who am I kidding of course I can- it has a; dull, chalky, dense, granular, vulgar taste to it. It's so thick you could choke on it (ya ya ya... That's what she said). Anyways, it is utterly disgusting.

I know what some of you may be thinking, "Greek yogurt is delightful you must have gotten the wrong flavor". These same people are probably not reading this right now because they are at the gym for their second time today, or trying to savor the last few bites of a celery stick. But I can assure any naysayers that I actually tried 2 flavors- "wild strawberry" and "greek honey" (See above image). I would just like to point out that there aren't enough wild strawberries in the universe to make that stuff a tasty treat.

It was so depressing because I had such high hopes that it would be delectable. Even the lid said "Better than Good!". Really guys? Better than good? What gauge are you using for good-ness? Did you taste test with a goat? Because I have seen a goat chew on a beer can before, so you should probably upgrade to humans for such purposes.

In 25 years I haven't heard a peep about this crap, "greek yogurt" why now? Was regular yogurt not disgusting enough that they had to kick it up a notch? I know the culprit to the crap taste...protein...Which is what gives this snack its chalky texture.

How did they market this idea, "hey guys, I thought I would make this yogurt "better" by adding 10,000,000,000 grams of protein, it's so solid you almost have to chew it, oh and all these flavorings I have added don't do a damn thing to the bitterness, but we can still market it to any granola person alive". I then realized exactly how they decided to market it, they used John Stamos. For shame uncle Jessie. For shame.

I also tried kale this week, there just isn't enough time today to even try to go there...