Thursday, September 27, 2012

Mysteries of the World


I will fail today at artfully constructing a story. Just wanted to present that first in case that was what you wanted to read.

I have a few mysteries I would like to present to the world, in hopes that maybe some of my questions can be answered.

Mystery #1 - For 26 years I absolutely hated the thought of eating a saltine cracker, even when people would eat them in soups I would turn up my nose in disgust. I also hated the thought of drinking ginger ale, I mean why the hell would something labeled "Canada Dry" be delectable? "Anything Dry" should not be a product name, ever. The idea of a dry beverage seems like an oxymoron anyways. I'm getting carried away - back to the story:
 I get food poisoning 4 weeks ago, and my sister brings these two bland items for me to try to ingest. And now that I am in tip top shape and not sick anymore? I can't stop eating them. Seriously, saltines and ginger ale for a snack happens almost daily. So much so that my kid now eats saltine crackers with wild abandon.

Mystery #2 - Speaking of my child, how is it that her "picky toddler" phase is happening, but some of her staple items would make a lot of people cringe. Her #1 snack item right now? Hummus... usually dipped with goldfish, but still! Other items she likes: plain cottage cheese, and smoothies with fruit and spinach (green green green). She will not touch a french fry, or any potato product really. Not complaining, I am just perplexed.

Mystery #3 - I like to joke about having a "black thumb" and that I can't keep anything alive. If my memory serves me right I have slaughtered: an assortment of roses, orchids- the label said "easy" to care for... I call shenanigans, mums, daisies, a peace lily from my aunt's funeral which we named after my aunt, so that was a little awkward when it finally gave out. I actually killed a cactus collection at one point. So the mystery is that I have no idea how my dogs are still alive.

Mystery #4 - There are thousand of types of vegetables, so far in my tenure here in the good ol' South I have only been introduced to 150? 175? or more, I haven't counted cut me some slack.
There are bulb vegetables, root vegetables, fruit vegetables, leaf vegetables, and so on. How is it that out of thousands of veggies, it would appear as though the mighty Asparagus is the only one that will totally transform the smell of piss from gross to SONOFA! OHMYGOD! WHY DID I EAT ASPARAGUS $!@#%^&>?!. *gag*  *vomit*. What is the deal with that? I mean, I am not complaining that it is the only vegetable that has this magically disgusting quality, but I find it fascinating. Or something like that.

2 comments:

  1. Doug EminenceFront SlagowitzSeptember 27, 2012 at 11:09 AM

    two quick points:
    Point 1: The potato thing, I believe, is a texture thing. My boys all went through stages in their toddler years 2-4 years old, when they wouldn't eat french fries, tater tots, mashed potatoes, sweet potatoes, nothing. I asked my oldest why he didn't like them and he described them as scratchy.
    Point 2. Asparagus... ok, I admit, a personal favorite...
    "Asparagus contains a sulfur compound called mercaptan. It is also found in onions, garlic, rotten eggs, and in the secretions of skunks. The signature smell occurs when this substance is broken down in your digestive system. Not all people have the gene for the enzyme that breaks down mercaptan, so some of you can eat all the asparagus you want without stinking up the place. One study published in the British Journal of Clinical Pharmacology found that only 46 percent of British people tested produced the odor while 100 percent of French people tested did."

    You should have married a French Canadian.

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  2. That does explain a lot! Thanks :) & I will be sure to let my Canadian know I am trading him in.

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