Wednesday, April 10, 2013

Turkeys, Hours, and Furbys Oh My!

I have 3 insanely important topics to share with you all on this lovely, pollen infested, spring morning in GA.

1-First things first: TURKEY. Upon leaving my driveway this morning I spotted a huge, like really huge, turkey nonchalantly grazing in my neighbor's yard. I slowed my car to a halt - honestly my first instinct was to roll the window down and talk to it. Kinda glad I didn't go with that plan. I also considered chasing it down into our yard so my kid could see it when she woke up. But, I didn't want to be "that girl". I just kept driving, it's better this way. My neighbors already think I am weird enough, then again, i'm not the one with turkeys in my yard either. Sidenote-We all know turkeys make excellent pets, right? Show of hands - who has had a pet turkey? Guys? Just me?(see link here). 

2-I would also like to point out that every retail store on the planet really needs to post their store hours in a larger font. Seriously guys, I can't possibly drive my car that close or that slow to the front door of your building to read your point 10 sized font that says I am 35 minutes too early. And? When I go park my car, get my shit together, lock my car, and walk to your front door to read your point 10 sized font - people are watching me and laughing. Whilst they laugh I have to shake my head in dismay, walk back to my car, unlock, and sit like a fool for the remaining wait time hoping some other idiot does the same exact thing I just did so I can join the peanut gallery and laugh too. Large franchise chain stores: I am positive that even in this down economy you can spring for a bigger store hour sign. I am begging you. 

3-And lastly, if anyone gives your child a Furby it is a pretty good indication that they may hate you. I didn't like Furby 15 years ago, and I don't care too much for it now either. Humor me, and go to the Hasbro website (or google Furby). The new re-vamped line of Furbys current motto/tagline? "Furby, A Mind of it's Own". No, just no. Toys aren't supposed to have a mind of their own. That is like some I, Robot shit going on that I can't handle.

          Adeline's Furby is pink, yet it sounds just like Mr. Chow(from the Hangover)-which in all honesty is it's only saving grace with me. However, I would definitely prefer a crazy naked Asian man running around instead of this thing. At least I would then have a chance at my kid not wanting to drag it around everywhere. Adeline scoffed at my name suggestion of Mr. Chow, so she just calls her little dear Furby. As per it's instruction manual her attitude develops via the way she gets treated. There is our first problem eh? It also states that as time passes she will learn English, she learns from what we say to her. Perfect. Right now she speaks "Furbish" and also says, "OH EM GEE, LIKE OHMAHGOSH". That is the only English she seems to have been programmed with pre-us talking to it and "training" it to speak like we do. SonofaKillMeNow.
To add to the irritation factor, the new re-vamped Furby now comes with an iPhone app, so aside from this darling toy commandeering my sanity, she also commandeers my only line of normal communication with the outside world. Well played Hasbro, well played.

          She also has an alter ego which is just precious. The kiddo and I played a little rough threw her a few times for good measure - she immediately went into this jumpy, blinky frenzy, closed her creepy little eyes and when they popped back open she was growling in a deep man voice and anytime Adeline would talk to her she would burp in response, followed by more growling.    ...Shit will haunt my dreams for the rest of my life. You think we need to worry about a nuclear meltdown? Nah, I think they are just planning to infiltrate via Furby contraptions in American households. After all, they have a mind of their own. 

The more you know right?

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