Thursday, March 14, 2013

Zombie Prep - Gates and Spuds

As per usual, I am obsessing over The Walking Dead. It is nearing the finale for the season, but I will still have my monthly comics to read. I will be fine, I will be fine.

In the interim I would like to provide my 3 part plan for surviving a zombie apocalypse. Not 3 step, but 3 part - feel free to engage any part of the plan at any time.

Part 1 - Potato Gun. 
See ya later tater! Er, zombie. 

Also known as a Spud Cannon, Spudzooka, or any other clever combination of Potato and firearm you can think of. It is a lovely combination of pipe, pressurized combustible gas, and projectiles that I am confident, could take out a zombie. Perfect for DIY-ers because you can build and modify to your every whim. If you are a pro you could hit a walker from 100 yards away. Sounds safe to me! Could potentially cause much less ruckus than your average weapon as well. Ran out of spudzooka ammo? Just grow more!

Part 2 - Baby Gate.
Disclaimer: Didn't say it would keep out everything

I know more people than not who can't easily operate opening and closing a variety of baby gates. They are complicated apparatuses (apparati?) I feel more confident with using apparatuses. Apparatuses. Oh what the hell, baby gates are tricky ok people! They are designed to be uber durable, have crazy wall mount strength, and often require a 2-3 step process for unlocking. So many buttons, locks, sliding mechanisms, small systems of levers and pulleys - you name it!
My suggestion here is to set up a compilation of baby gates in all shapes and sizes to ensure a safe perimeter. A zombie or two trying to figure out what model type each baby gate is and how to properly unlock it to get to you, well, would be biting off more than they could chew (see what I did there? huh huh?).

Part 3 - High Ground.
Employing Parts 1 &2: Arming yourself with a spudzooka and arranging your baby gates will then prep you for Part 3 - finding high ground. Ideally a staircase because those combined with baby gates are the worst combo for easy entry.

-There you have it people, don't get stuck ill prepared. I am full of great advice so feel free to steal my ideas. It could save your life. Or, it could make you look like a total weirdo with a collection of potato guns and baby gates. Freak.

P.S. - Happy Pi Day! Just kidding, I don't care about Pi. I hate math, and numbers are the devil.

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