Friday, July 6, 2012

Life...In General

I don't imagine this masterpiece will wind up on the New York bestseller's list, hell I will be surprised if it doesn't fall apart before my niece gets to California with it, but if it does crumble to dust she can at least come here to read my words of wisdom. This was a part of her graduation gift, as promised I gave her lots of useful, philosophical insight.

  • For most aspects of adulthood: It's like a game, minus the fun part.
  • Never sell yourself short, just sell yourself. (Stolen from me). 
  • Bacon fixes everything.
  • Quitting is for quitters.
  • Quality not quantity. This applies to damn near everything: Friends, men, jobs, alcoholic beverages. The only time that I haven't followed this rule is with shoes, and it has served me well.
  • You are responsible for your own happiness. The sooner you understand that the better. You can waste a lot of good time and energy pointing fingers. Use your hands for something else, like playing with play doh, or scratching your ass. 
  • When in doubt, get the f*ck out. This also applies to everything: friendships, relationships, jobs, crappy bars, etc... You ever get that weird, instinctual uh oh feeling - bail. Quickly.
  • If you want people to take you seriously carry a clipboard. That always looks official.
  • Don't ever burn any bridges, just shoot really loud fireworks at them. People will get the same message, minus the major destruction.
  • Jealousy is the root of many a problem. Always remember that jealousy is a disease, get well soon bitches!
  • Some say ignorance is bliss. Rubbish. Ignore-ance is bliss. Think about it. 
  • Don't ever drink anything that is on fire. One might think that this is self explanatory. If someone had told the 22 yr old me this little tid bit I would have been a lot better off that one night. 
  • Don't forget to moisturize.
Here is a sampling of a page from the inside of this well written piece of literature:

As you can see, I left room at the bottom of each page for Chelsia to add her own notes, personal life observations, or doodles. 

I will be at the Barnes in Noble Saturday to sign autographs to anyone with a copy of this wonderful novel.

Sidenote - this was technically Part 3 of 3 from Orlando.

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