Monday, February 15, 2010

32 rules of ghost hunting - Part I

ok ok ok so I stole the idea for this post from Zombieland.
Columbus (the main character) basically has a little scribble pad that he has listed the 32 rules needed to survive Zombieland. They consist of some common sense rules like wearing your seatbelt, the double tap, limber up, etc...

So I figured I would make a silly set of rules for ghost hunting. (and no I didn't come up with 32. yet.) Some of the same rules apply, they have an * marking them.

Rule #1: Check the area for clients.
99.9% of the time the client is much scarier than the ghost that is in their house. Be sure they aren't around during the investigation or someone might get hurt!

Rule #2: Watch your head.
Obviously if you are wandering or crawling around in a dark place you should be cautious. If for some reason a client sneaks into the hunt you had better watch for arms and legs coming at ya. Helmets may be a nice touch.

*Rule #3: Travel in groups.
Since when do you waltz into a joint you know may have some super creepy shit going on...Alone? Aside from the fact that this is what we do, it is still nice to have company while you sit and wait for the ghosties to come out and play. Besides, partners in crime always have stuff like extra flashlights, or batteries in case you are a doofus and forgot yours.

*Rule #4: When in doubt, get the hell out. (Or like the movie, know your way out)
There is nothing like a client mid banshee seance coming at you and you are wedged in between the couch cushions un-expecting. Not cool. Not cool at all.

Rule #5: Never hunt on an empty stomach.
Sitting in a pitch black room waiting for the slightest sight or noise of a spirit, and you hear a satanic death growl from the pits of hell and you may just wet your pants. Ironically empty tummies (or tummies full of mexican food) make the same. exact. noise. Just ask my buddy.

Rule #6: Check the closets.
A-for unexpected clients
B-that is where the hair pulling spirits like to hide, or so I have found to be true. Get those asshats outta there before you begin! Or you may be in for a real hair raising experience...

Rule #7: Look big or tall.
This may be a tough one to do, but I have found that the smaller you are-the more you get picked on. Take Brett for instance, in 2+ years of hunting he has never so much as been touched. Me? hair pulled-check, punched in the stomach-check, general poke/ tap or what not - check. (This does not include any injuries possible incurred from clients!)

Rule #8: Always carry a flashlight.
this goes along with Rule #2 Watch your head. You are in the dark, so watch your step! Who knows what you could trip over! Could be something you really don't want to be touching like:

can you say whatthecreepin creeper
is that?! Imagine getting dive bombed or tangled
up with one of these guys?!?!?! Flashlights....


  1. Yeah, yeah. My stomach is possessed. GAH! I wish it had an off-switch!

  2. Maybe we can stuff a cushion under your shirt to muffle the noise!? And while you were in that condition we could also park in the expected mothers spot. Hmmm...